Forgiveness and forgiving communication in dating relationships
Forgiveness and forgiving communication in dating relationships - getting back into dating world
I think that's totally legitimate, and it's not fair. He sticks in the deepest ocean, and then He sticks up a sign that says, ' No fishing.'" Some people mistakenly think, "Well, if I spouse forgives me for this issue, then why do we have to talk about it again? There's some mistaking notions of what forgiveness is and what it is not. I think it's okay to recognize that when you do forgive somebody like this, there are going to be times in which you're still feeling angry. I will be able to begin to recover from of this that I've been struggling." The ways that we tug on it would be everything from me grabbing my friends and saying, "Hey, can you believe what this person did to me? It's also a yank on the bell when I have these internal conversations with myself, where I relive the hurt and I think, "Oh, how could that person do that?
Then, it's that process of then making that decision based on that, and then actually communicating forgiveness, which is what we're talking about, those eight whatever words. I think sometimes people want to get past this so quickly.We have the way in which you process and deal with deep hurts or deep injury.On the other hand, the way in which you give and extend forgiveness can really shape a relationship. One, I can know how to forgive, but lack the motivation to do it. I think it'd be unfair if I forgave you for this because you've not done your part in acknowledging the hurt.I think the words that we don't want to give people would be the words, "Oh, it was nothing.Forget about it" if, in fact, it was something to you.It's this feeling like we are going to make things right by getting even, and even maybe getting ahead.
I remember one time, my wife made us this great comment. I just squirted a little bit of water at her one day. I remember we're out to this cool restaurant and I squirted a little bit of water at her.
What would you say, or some of those keys, if people are struggling with this, "I know I need to do this." Let's give them some simple steps. For me, number three, is the hardest because I feel like, "Man, you just got away scott-free.
I'm holding a whole bunch of hurt emotions and you just walked out the door with my forgiveness." By the way, I'm a Christian, so I have to forgive you eventually.
We just can be plagued with even guilt now that we're going through this process without really being able to deal with it. He says, "I want you to forgive as Christ has forgiven you." To me, that's thoroughly convicting. Now, we just clearly want to live a life that is in obedience.
If I think at the times when, and I'm going to use a technical phrase here, my nose was out of whack, I'm just mad at you and I don't want to forgive. We really want to stop this cycle that some of us get involved in, where we find it easier or easier to sin. Tim, it just feels like at times, to admit some things that we've been hurt, or that we're wrong, or that we've hurt somebody, it's just hard to do. One, I say to you this particular offense that happened, I forgive you for this offense. She said that when she learned from a minister one time, she asked him about the inability to forgive what have happened to her and her family.
If that anger is lingering, if that feelings of hurt is lingering, then the worst thing you can do is look at person and say, "Hey, that wasn't such a big deal. Let's just move on." Latent conflict can be some of the hardest conflict to deal with, the conflict that's below the surface, because we've never directly dealt with it. It's one of those emotions that underlie a lot of our pain and conflict. Here I’m saying, "I do not want to forgive you." That's when the Holy Spirit comes and brings up this verse from Colossians saying, "Hey, as much as Christ has forgiven you, you need to forgive." To me, that's a hard issue, and that's really hard. Then, you take this forgiveness that you didn't deserve, in a way, to give it to another person." That's what Christian compassion and forgiveness looks like. I think that a passage in Colossians 3 can be one of those painful realities that we face, that this is something that we have been forgiven so much.