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Recently, a friend of mine, a Canadian of South Asian origin in his early 20s, posted the following screenshot of a conversation he was having via a phone chat app: , statements that I had heard almost a decade ago when I was his age.
One of the most heartbreaking parts of the book is reading Hagen describe finishing its final chapters as La Rude’s health deteriorates: It’s getting harder every day to write this.Or did it have to do with the fact that I grew up in a city where I was exposed to a very limited pool of body types ethnicities, where there was only one black person in my entire Junior High School?This is a bit of an oversimplification as there are many factors that contribute to desire but it’s definitely part of the framework.i don’t think anyone is or isn’t attracted to a race as much as they are (or aren’t) to a combination of physical characteristics. This comment, or variations of, is one I hear (and see) time and time again, particularly from white men, when the issue of racism in the queer community comes up.there’s nothing racist about that, and it’s not debatable either. and if it turns out that dating flat-chested girls who wear sonic boxer-briefs is some sort of fetish, so be it. who’s to say that the “dark, tall and handsome” package is anything other than fetishism? My fundamental issue with comments such as these is perhaps best summarized by the suggestion that attractions/desires are something that one “can’t control.” I think the most naive arguments/statements regarding desire and attraction are ones that do not carefully, thoughtfully consider the way our preferences, for a particular body size and shape, skin/hair/eye colour, height etc, are socially influenced. This is not to say that our desires are wrong or that we ought to work on changing what we desire, but I think it’s crucial that we at least consider where these desires might stem from and the ways they may be problematic, limiting and harmful to others.) and in the process teach you some politically incorrect Alberta drag queen terminology you’re not going to learn in Women’s Studies 101.
From Eating dead babies: Getting caught with lipstick on your teeth Amateur night: Halloween Barbies: blond female heterosexuals Boing-boing-turn-around: How barbies dance Embarrassment of Bitches: A group of Queens around a table (similar to a pride of lions or a murder of crows).Here is one that stood out: i don’t see how most of the comments in the video are offensive.the “must be mixed” comment is probably the most debatable one, but it could very well just be a remark—the guy does have facial features that are predominant in people of caucasian heritage, as opposed to those of strictly indian heritage.This naturalization of racism feels entirely unacceptable to me, and I believe we all have a greater responsibility to ensure these kinds of attitudes are continually challenged, if not eradicated. These are necessary steps to move forward—to see our desires, truly see them for what they are, so that we may unpack and challenge the various prejudices and biases that might shape them. I mean…you need to get laid that bad or have some major self esteem issues…what a degrading piece of work for an east indian guy to make…I am sorry, but it was just terrible and I hope it gets taken down…cause that certainly does not represent my reality as a east indian gay guy…and I would hate the extra burden of people thinking that this is my reality…I certainly dont need pity in my life.I am so fortunate to live in a city where queer and trans people of colour are doing all kinds of great work to fight the kinds of racism that exists in and outside the queer community. So here is my request: The next time you find yourself attracted to someone, catch yourself doing a double take or staring at a face or a body you find appealing, spend five minutes thinking about WHY you might be attracted to this person. If this is too complicated to consider, then perhaps start with thinking about what specifically it is about them that you are attracted to and then why you find those qualities attractive. And maybe the next time you are in a public place, spend another five minutes looking at bodies in general, even the ones you aren’t immediately drawn to. I include this here to point out that speaking out about the effects of racism can have negative and hurtful consequences, even if it’s your own lived experience. For some of us with racialized bodies, queer and gender non-conforming bodies, staying silent is a luxury we can’t always afford.There was also a kind of shared gratitude amongst us that the sick feeling we would have after hearing these kinds of statements every time we were out wasn’t imaginary and was completely valid.